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Life As It Is Right Now

Most of the time I'm an upbeat kinda gal even though I deal with chronic pain daily.  Lately, I can't seem to shake off the blahs and I just don't like it.  I want the old me back.  The woman that smiles all the time, loves life, thrives on laughing a lot, and has faith that is unshakable.  But such is not the case right now so I'm just going to allow myself to write as the thoughts come to mind.  Hopefully this will be the beginning of healing for me in some way or the other.  I'm so very lonely right now.  I never dreamed when my marriage came to an end 6 yrs. ago that I'd still be alone.  I had faith that surely there'd be that knight in shining armor out there for me somewhere.  Well, let me tell you straight up....the one true knight in shining armor is God.  He will never leave me nor forsake me.  He will never lay more on my shoulders than I can handle.  I'm sure He also sees we are all human and have breaking points.  Lately, after pushing on my desk to get access to the back of the computer, I threw my back out again.  I have Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, degenerative disk disease, a ruptured disk in my neck and a ruptured disk in my lower back along with Spondylolisthesis.  What is that you might ask...here's a little info on it:  It's a condition of the spine where one of the vertebra slips forward or backward compared to the next vertebra.  You can either have forward slippage or backward slippage.  It can lead to a deformity of the spine and can narrow the spinal canal and compress nerve roots.  As for myself the pain is tremendous, my legs are getting weaker, the nerve pain down my back, buttocks and legs can be difficult to deal with at times.  To the point no way you lay down, sit, walk, etc. helps.  I walk like a penguin often lol.  My mother says I'm doing the Tim Conway shuffle (Carol Burnett show days).  You might as well laugh about it instead of crying right?   Before I became disabled I worked as a Head Teller in a local bank and sooo enjoyed working with the public.  I miss my busy days as a mom to small children most of all.  Folks, enjoy every day you have with those little ones.  All the housework and busy stuff can wait.  Enjoy them while you can because before long they have grown up and left the nest.  Well I guess before I make this any longer, as you say mmmhmmm, I'll close by saying thank you for taking the time to hear me out today.  I'd love to hear from you all anytime you'd like to write me.  I try to always respond to anyone that is kind enough to take the time to comment.  Blessings to you all, I hope the day is as beautiful where you are as it is here in southern VA, and most of all I hope you are having a pain free day!  Off to grab the crocheting hook and yarn.....byebyeeee.

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